The Cynics Corner

Star Trek: Voyager

Cynics Corner Preview of the Seventh Season

by David E. Sluss

26 May 2000

 
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[Editors note: As regular readers might know, I am a participant in several Usenet newsgroups, and Cynics Corner Reviews are just one of many things I post. I have periodically posted to groups like rec.arts.sf.tv something I call "Cynics Corner Previews" of upcoming episodes, usually in response to a press release or some other Paramount propaganda. For once, I thought I'd repost one of them here.]

There's an interesting article at Trek Today, specifically at this location, regarding a UPN presentation about Voyager's seventh season, apparently shown when UPN announced its fall schedule in mid-May. UPN entertainment president Tom Nunan introduced the presentation with the following comments. I've taken the liberty of running them through the Cynics Corner Translation Matrix to see what they really mean:

"Viewers will flock to Voyager this season for a multitude of reasons."

Translation: "Viewers will flock to shows other than Voyager this season, as in previous seasons"

"First, we kick off the year resolving this season's cliffhanger."

"We kick off the year pulling a resolution out of the posterier, the writers having written themselves into a corner yet again."

"Second, we're planning a host of stars to promote the show's final season."

"Wrestlers and jiggle queens will be used to promote the show's final season."

"Many actors and personalities are eager to appear on the series before it concludes, as The Rock and Jason Alexander have done for us in the past."

"Marina Sirtis still hasn't found other work."

"Third, a two-hour movie is planned for November sweeps, and whenever we air Voyager two-hour events, they perform a good 30% over and above Voyager's series averages."

"Voyager's ratings are crummy, and we know that only cheap stunts will raise them to barely a mediocre level."

"Lastly, viewers will seek out Voyager as the question that hangs over the entire season's run: 'Will Voyager find her way back home?'"

"Viewers will avoid Voyager like the plague as the question hangs over them: 'Is that still on the air?'"

"The answer, of course, will be provided in a giant series finale, airing in next May's sweeps."

"The show will peter out, resolving little if anything in a giant series finale"

"Here's the look at Emmy award-winning Star Trek: Voyager."

"Barf bags are available from the concierge."

   

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This article is copyright 2000 David E. Sluss
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